[mood] falling
[music] matchbook romance - the greatest fall of all time
he's perfect. how many entries must i go on writing this. it's quite clear that the way he talks to me is different than the way he talks to others. in a 'yeah, you're my little sister' way, or a 'yeah, this could really work' way, i don't know. he's starting to get physical. somewhat. nudging me every now and then. i never see him touch anyone.
we talked briefly. he told me something that he claimed he "hasn't told anyone else". i don't think he realized how much that meant to me. i fucking payed more attention to that statement than the actual "secret".
i've noticed something. with every other boy i've ever liked, i've always been the jealous type. whether we were together or not, i was always watching out for other girls. but not with him. how can i explain this in the most exact terms. it's almost as if i don't mind seeing him with other people, girls in particular, because i know he'll still be there for me. no matter how long we haven't seen each other, i can still talk to him as if we were never apart. i can't do that with anyone else. he makes it easy like that.
gawd, what is this? i can tell him almost anything i tell my best friends and i feel as if he's comfortable with me too. is he too comfortable? normally, i'd take action by now but i can't risk anything with him.
[mood] isolated
[music] finch - worms of the universe
i've recently been reminded about why i fell for him in the first place.
my first glance at him in nearly a year. my eyes thawed. have i ever truly looked at another boy until this? i need to stop looking into every last detail. feeding off every last word that makes me believe that someone so 'intricately mastered', if you will, could ever be interested in me.
he wanted to walk home with me today and i was just about ready to give up my basketball game. but of course, that also meant giving up the basketball team. gawd, how am i supposed to think. opening my locker and seeing his books inside made my heart jump hurdles. his books, dammit! people keep telling me we'd make a good couple. will you shut up and please tell him that?!
there are so many things that would honestly make me believe that he could return my feelings. however, there's still the whole 'lack of showing it' ordeal. dammit, i hear so much about how he's this big asshole but i haven't actually experienced it myself. i'm the only one of my friends he actually talks to and i, for one, think his personality is absolutely beautiful.
[mood] reminiscing
[music] yellowcard - one year, six months
answer using song titles
1. describe yourself: cute without the 'e' (cut from the team)
2. how do you feel about people: worms of the universe
3. how do you feel about yourself: perfection through silence
4. describe your boyfriend/girlfriend/interest: the greatest fall of all time
5. where woud you rather be: gainsville rock city
6. describe what you want to be: dreaming a reality
7. describe how you live: history of a boring town
8. describe how you love: demolition lovers
9. share a few words of wisdom: say it like you mean it
[mood] ascending
[music] my chemical romance - demolition lovers
but...i need you.
we drive tonight, and you are by my side. we're talking about our lives like we've known each other forever. and time flies by with the sound of your voice. it's close to paradise with the end surely near. and if i could only stop the car and hold on to you and never let go, i'll never let go. as we round the corner to your house you turned to me and said, "i'll be going through withdrawal of you for this one night we have spent." and i want to speak these words but i guess i'll just bite my tongue and accept "someday, somehow" as the words that we'll hang from. and i, i don't wanna speak these words. 'cause i, i don't wanna make things any worse. and i, i don't wanna speak these words, 'cause i, i don't wanna make things any worse. why does tonight have to end? why don't we hit restart and pause it at our favorite parts. we'll skip the goodbyes. if i had it my way, i'd turn the car around and run away. just you and i. and i, i don't wanna speak these words. 'cause i, i don't wanna make things any worse. and i, i don't wanna speak these words. 'cause i, i don't wanna make things, and i, i don't wanna make things any worse.
take my hand and tell me you're never really leaving me. that, when you walk away, it's never for someone else. then light up that cigarette before it gets too moist in your hand. your eyes look everywhere except into mine. i watch you watch the lighter and forget why my heart aches. just like you always forget that i don't smoke. pass it to me as i shake my head. the only thing i'd ever turn you down for. i hold up my hand to push yours away and convince myself that if you weren't holding that stick, you'd be holding my hand. that behind this cloud of smoke, you were prepared to give me the warmest kiss to thaw my lips. only until it fades away. send me off with the same smile you used to draw me in. the half-lit butt rolls off your fingertips as i see my heart hit the pavement. left for you to walk all over.
i see you everywhere and try to convince myself that you're the one looking out for me. still pictures. still life. still dreaming. the same. bad. dream.
broken this fragile thing now. and i can`t, i can`t pick up the pieces. and i`ve thrown my words all around. But i can`t, i can`t give you a reason. i feel so broken up . and i give up. i just want to tell you so you know. here i go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you. you are my only one. i let go, there`s just no one that gets me like you do. you are my only,my only one. made my mistakes, let you down. and i can`t, i can`t hold on for too long. ran my whole life in the ground. and i can`t, i can`t get up when you`re gone. and something`s breaking up. i feel like giving up. i won`t walk out until you know. here i go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you. you are my only one. i let go, there`s just no one who gets me like you do. you are my only my only one. here i go so. dishonestly. leave a note for you my only one. and i know you can see right through me. so let me go and you will find someone. here i go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you.you are my only one. i let go, there`s just no one, no one like you. you are my only, my only one.
[mood] weirded
[music] the pixies - where is my mind?
i actually made the basketball team. i'm kinda proud of myself even though my height probably got me in by default. we'll be playing at his school. somehow, i need to convince him to come watch.
yesterday was really odd. i saw him around about 9 times and i guess the group of them wanted to be immature and ask us for a lighter, even though there were seven of them. he probably told them i was his crazy neighbor who was in love with him.
leave it up to me and i'll take the time out of your day and spend them on myself
because i'll give up this day, any day, just to spend them on you
another hope-filled moment
takes you right away from me
wishful thoughts make you seem
closer than you'll ever be
don't walk away
i have so much to say
lines rehearsed inside my head
saved up for the next time we would meet
this is next time
leave it up to me and i'll take the time out of your day and spend them on myself
because i'll give up this day, any day, just to spend them on you
there you go
you keep on walking
here i am
and i'm still talking
there you go
you still keep walking
i hope you stop
before my heart does
a starry sky
an empty girl
is missing everything she thinks he can provide
a moonlit night
this broken boy
wants from her a love he thinks she'll never feel inside
a perfect story ends
with a perfect kiss
but hidden feelings
will never bring an end to this
share a thought
shed a tear
the things you stop yourself from saying
are everything i want to hear
she sits alone
to watch the stars
and waits for him to casually invite himself
he walks right by
no second look
just thinking that the seat is saved for someone else
a perfect story ends
with a perfect kiss
but hidden feelings
will never bring an end to this
share a thought
shed a tear
the things you stop yourself from saying
are everything i want to hear
len @